Harder than Death
by DeiSaso-999
Summary: Deidara has caught Sasori cheating on him with Itachi. After confronting him of it Sasori must leave for a mission. But when he dosnt return Deidara assumes that Sasori has abandoned him when actually Sasori has been killed. SasoDei, ItaSaso


Everybody says that dieing is painful. That the only peaceful death is a sudden quick one or one while your asleep. My death was what is called a slow and painful one. But it wasn't the physical pain that really hit me as my world faded to black, but the emotional pain of knowing that I left behind a wounded soul.

And that wounded soul's name was Deidara.

I remember the night before I died. How it had started out like any other day; Deidara still wouldn't get out of bed. Something was wrong with him but I never really took any time to ask what was wrong. And I terribly regret that. Some time around five I'd told Deidara I was heading out to town, he offered to go, but I told him no because I was going with somebody else. Itachi. His name still sends shivers up my spine. He was the man I was having an affair with. Why I started cheating on Deidara, I'm not quite sure. The want for change? Boredom? I don't know and I may never know, but on thing I did know was that Itachi was my secret lover. So getting back on track here, we left around five that night. We wandered around town not talking just in case we ran into someone who knew Deidara; I mean come on, the whole point of an affair is not to get caught. Around sex we had found our destination; the local hotel.

I'm an idiot, I'm a bastard, a traitor, a cheater, a man whore. NO one needs to really tell me this because I already know for myself. Me and Itachi were not out to get supplies, we went to town together so we could find a hotel, and have sex together without someone walking in on us.

Itachi walked up to the reception desk and checked us in while I wandered around the small, tacky furnished area. Horrible floral wallpaper lined the wall along with a filthy lavender carpet. Itachi caught my attention and waved me his way so we could go find our room

Room 119

It was a small room with a queen bed and a descent sized bathroom. It smelt like smoke but it didn't matter because we would only be here for a few more hours. Like so many other times before. Itachi made his way to the bed first, taking off his cloak and throwing it over a chair, revealing his shirtless chest. I stood frozen in the doorway , something inside me didn't feel quite right.

"Are you coming in?" Itachi asked, now laying on the bed. He patted his hand on the empty space on the bed next to him. "I'm feeling awfully lonely over here and I'd love some company." he winked at me. I made my way over to the spot and also removed my cloak as I laid down staring at the ceiling. My view of the ceiling changed to Itachi's face as he rolled from his spot to on top of me.

"here's when the fun really begins." He purred into my ear.

Something just didn't feel right tonight. His lips came down on mine silencing my thoughts and distracting me completely.

He was so skilled!!. . . .but not as skilled as Dei. But where was that thought coming from? All the other hookups I hadn't even thought of Dei once. Itachi's tongue slipped into my mouth and intertwined with mine. Hi hand roamed down my side and pulled on the hem of the pants I was wearing. His other hand ran down my other side and with that he pulled down both my pants and my blue boxers.

Dei's favorite color was blue.

His hand was now on the base of my length as he started moving his hand in an up and down motion making me release a moan of pleasure. He let go and flipped us so that he was now on bottom.

Dei's favorite position.

Things continued to go from there as we had sex and then ended with Itachi letting go and spilling white on both of our stomachs.

By that time it was 11:30 at night so we got dressed and started heading home. Once again I began to start thinking of Deidara, and about tall the terrible things that I was doing to him. By the time we made it back my mind had come up with a solution. I grabbed Itachi's hand right before we made it to the front door, and began telling me something.

"Itachi. I need to tell you something."

"Sure. You can tell me anything.'

"I think it's time we ended this. Just tonight, I've realized how much I truly do love Deidara, and I want to be with him and only him." Itachi looked sad but what had to be done, had to be done.

"I understand. I really am able to see how much you love him and that's refreshing to see. But will you do one last thing for me?"

I was hesitant at first but still answered "Sure."

"Kiss me one last time." And so I did.

It lasted a while. Maybe somewhere around two to three minutes.

Afterward I started going back upstairs to go see Deidara. I knew he'd be asleep so I tried my best to be quiet. But when I got to our room, what I saw was the last thing to I would have expected.

Deidara was sitting in the window seal crying. Crying about what though?

I shuffled my way over and sat in the window next to him. I laid my hand on his arm and spoke, "Dei . . . . Are you ok?"

He smacked away my hand from his shoulder and looked at me with a pissed off glare. I looked at him shocked, and confused.

"Don't . . . . Touch . . . . Me." he growled at me.

"Dei . . . W-what are you talking about?"

It looked as though there was fire burning in his eyes. Anybody could tell that he was mad. Then he went ballistic.

"You know DAMN well what I'm talking about Sasori! That shouldn't even be your name! It should be 'Lying Cheating Son-of-a-Bitching Freak!"

He was right. I was one of those.

It was quite for a long moment as Deidara sat on the floor bawling into his hands.

"Dei….I so sorry."

"Just shut up" he snapped, "I don't even want to talk to you. I don't even want to _see_ you. Just leave."

There was nothing else to do but do what he wanted.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow after my mission then Dei" inside of me all I felt was pain. Deidara had been so upset and hurt. I never wanted to do something like that to him.

"Whatever" he spat. I turned away and left the room just as he had asked. I decided that instead of attempting to sleep with this pain I was going to just leave early for my mission. Seven hours early. My stuff had been pre-packed so all I had to do was grab it and leave. Hours passed by very slowly that morning. I walked blindly into the forest, trying to find the direction of my destination. My head was clouded with thoughts and my heart ached beyond recognition. I'm usually always on my guard, but something today was different. I was constantly daydreaming, unable to sense anything and because of it I was attacked and taken down easily. I tried to fight back, but there was way too many of them. I was able to kill a few off but out of nowhere a sharp pain shot through my heart chamber. I'd been attacked from behind. Blood poured furiously from my chest as I collapsed to the floor. All I felt was pain. But not physical pain, but the pain I had mentioned earlier about leaving behind a wounded soul. As I lay on the blood covered ground I whispered one final sentence before a very bright, white light engulfed me,

"I will always love you Deidara . . . Forever."

Heaven is bright. Always bright and never dark. Constant sunshine and always blue from the sky. Heaven is beautiful. I have my own cloud. A very white and very puffy one. Very comfortable at night. The night I arrived, I'd woken up in a white rob. For some reason I thought that when you died you would get wings. But I didn't have any. Maybe only people who didn't cheat on their loved ones got wings.

I think about Deidara every single day. How he's doing. If he moved on. Is he in love with another man? If so . . . I'm so happy for him. I cry at night for him. I cry for what I did for him. If I could erase Deidara's memory so that he never remembered what I did to him. I would do it without a second thought.

But I'm unable to do that so I can do is pray that he has a better life down on earth now.

I remember one day though. It didn't quite feel right. I felt sort of……unmerciful. I don't know why; I could explain it or anything. Just a feeling that was rising up in my gut. I toot a walk around on the clouds to try and clear my mind. I waved at some of the other deceased people that I passed. Every one wearing the same white gown that I had arrived in. I walked a little further to an area where there was no people. At least that's what I thought. I looked a little harder sensing someone's presence and eventually my eyes landed on the figure of what seemed to be a younger man. He had long blonde hair. Half of his hair gathered into a pony on his head. I wasn't close enough to see his face but the hair gave it away. It was Dei. It was my beloved blonde bomber.

I walked up behind him silently. When I got close enough I realized that his shoulders and making a motion signaling to me that he was crying. I hate when he cries. Something in me just shatters when he does.

I was right beside him now; but he was too caught up in his tears to notice I was there. I sat down beside him letting out a sigh to signal that I was there. He started turning his head toward me to see who was there. His beautiful blue eyes landed on me and my heart melted. I has longed so badly to see those eyes again. I had dreamed of just being able to see him, to be able to hold him in my arms again.

"Sasori?" He whispered; big tears running down his pink cheeks.

"Yah Dei, it's me." Tears started gathering into my eyes. For the first time in years I was able to cry. After arriving into heaven my puppet body had been shed. I once again had skin and basically all the assemblies of a human. I could feel again. And right now all I could feel was love, and sadness.

"Oh my god." he whispered in a chocked whisper, burying his head in his hands.

"What? Dei what's wrong?"

"Y-you're dead?"

What had he thought happened to me? No I felt was confusion.

"W-we all thought that you'd run from the base. We thought you'd just runaway. We looked for you for a while but we could never find anything. So we gave up." He continued to sob.

"Dei," I laid my hand on his shoulder, this time he didn't slap it away. "I've been dead for 3 months now." had it really been that long? I felt like it had all just happened yesterday.

"Oh god." He sobbed into his hands. "I should have just forgiven you that night. I should have let you talk. We'd both be alive and happy right now. You never would have been killed. You were killed right?"

"Yes. I was attacked from behind during my mission."

"I'm so sorry."

"Dei. None of this was your fault. I wasn't paying attention. It was an easy opponent I was just lost in la-la land. What happened to you though? You didn't do anything reckless did you?"

"N-no. I lost my battle also. My first one since the night we thought you'd left us. Leader thought that I was too depressed to go on missions but I told him I'd be fine. I guess I was wrong."

"Oh Dei. Can I hug you?"

He looked up at me with those big blue eyes of his. And he nodded. My heart did a back flip where for the first time in 3 months I held the one I loved. He let out more sobs as my arms closed around him.

"Shhh. Shh. Dei it's ok." I pulled away after he'd finally calmed down and looked him in the eyes. "Dei?"

"Yes Danna?" That name. Oh how I missed that pet name of mine.

"Will you forgive me? Will you let me be apart of you again? Will you please let me be the love of your life once again? Please."

"Danna. You heart me so bad that night. I had a hunch something was going on. But I just ignored it. Then that night. You kissed him. I heart shattered. I want to forgive you. But if I decide to it's gonna take a while.

"That's fine with me. I'll do anything to be in your arms again. I'll give you as long a time as you need."Deidara smiled. "I'd appreciate that. He got to his feet and I mimicked it.

"Will I see you tomorrow at all?" I asked him.

"Yes ok course."

"I'll be looking forward to it." I said with a smile. He smiled back.

"See you tomorrow Deidara.""Bye Danna." He said. I started walking away. After walking a few feet I turned back and look. He smiled and waved. As did I.

Later that day I just lay on my cloud and thought hard. I had been given the best gift I could ever receive. The return of my love. Leaving behind a wounded soul is a lot harder then death. But being able to repair that soul is the best feeling in the world.


End file.
